Comedian

Did I ever tell you this? When I was little I wanted to be a comedian when I grew up. Seriously.  It's kinda weird how these things come back to you.  My mom is a school teacher, and recently she called me up asking if i remember my elementary school guidance counselor.  "Of course not" I say.  Well she remembers me.  She went looking for my mom, just to tell her she remembers me saying that I wanted to be a comedian.  She had never seen a 7 year old so adamant about his career choice.  Especially a profession so off the wall as a comedian.

But yeah, that's what i wanted to do.  I thought it would be amazing to be able to make people laugh.  Getting up on stage with that one lone spotlight shinning on you.  You can't see the faces off the people out in the audience, just shadows and outlines of people sitting around tables drinking.  But you'd get a sense that they are all focused on you, waiting for the next punch line to drop.  And when that punch line hit, explosions of laughter and hand claps showing their appreciation for you making their night a little better.

But there I was, 7 years old with a speech impediment, cowlicks sending my hair in every direction, practicing my impressions.  I remember trying out Elmer Fudd impersonations.  It made sense because we both couldn't say our "r's" That was pretty much the extent of my repertoire. I mean, how many other characters with a speech impediment will a seven year old know? I guess I could have done Scooby Doo maybe.  But that's about it. And to a seven year old, that what comedy meant.  You do 10 minutes of impersonations, and then a red curtain fall behind you, you throw on a blazer and you finish out your set with some observational comedy Jerry Seinfeld style.

So I had this recurring dream when I was little.  I would be doing standup routines in the Muppet Theater, and out in the Audience were all of my favorite characters from my favorite TV shows. Kermit and Fozzie are in the front row, the Ninja Turtles are in the next row, Bugs and Daffy are a few rows back.  He-Man and Optimus Prime are in the back. And I was just killing this set. Every punch line was met with riotous laughter.  Michelangelo was on the floor, rolling and pounding his fist on the ground.  Statler and Waldorf are up in their box, tears streaming from their puppet eyes.

A seven year old, performing observational comedy in front of cartoon characters from the 80s. I wish I can remember some of my old jokes.  I imagine i had a whole set dedicated to Bugs Bunny.  "And what is the deal with Bugs? I mean, he runs around looking for an excuse to dress up in drag. Practically every time I see him, he's in a wig and a skirt.   And have you ever seen him kiss any girl bunnies? Not that i can remember, But I've seen him kiss Elmer Fudd in like every other cartoon.  A big fat wet sloppy kiss right on the lips.  I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with Bugs's lifestyle, what I'm saying is he's not fooling anyone. Everyone is ready to except you and love you for who you are, its time to come out of the rabbit hole."